| Recovery. |
[Jun. 17th, 2004|06:02 pm] |
To me, it is:
♥ not feeling guilty for eating normally
most of the time- because even normal people feel guilty after eating too much or a lot of 'junk'
♥ Being happy with the way that my body is
[liking the way that I look, actually!]
♥ Not getting down on myself if I gain any weight
[rather, realizing that a lb or two will probably go right back down to where it was last time I weighed myself]
♥ Not feeling sad/down on myself when I see someone who is thin or beautiful
[rather, realizing that I have my own beauty- inside and out, and that it is good to observe and recognize all forms of goodness in both myself and others]
♥ Turning to means other than starvation when faced with something difficult
[knowing that controlling what I eat does not equal control over any situation that I may be dealing with in my life- there are better ways- ways that will actually get me somewhere with the actual problem]
♥ Hearing about others who are struggling with a disorder (sincerely) and not being envious of them
[rather, feeling their pain, wishing them better, and hoping for their own recovery]
♥ Hearing about others who are embracing what they may refer to as "Ana" or "Mia" and feeling sorry for them
[for the hell that they may not realize they are stepping into, not to mention the time that they shall waste]
If I think of others, I will add them. |
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| Recovered. |
[Jun. 17th, 2004|06:01 pm] |
So, I've been thinking.
I've been reading ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) uncertainwords's journal lately.
She is really a great person and she is working on recovery.
It is a struggle, but she's making progress.
Through her journal, I found another. I forget her name just now- something about becoming a butterfly & the icon on her page is of a catterpillar. Anyway, I was reading through her journal & her experiences and the thought occurred to me.
I've been doing quite normal with this eating disorder stuff for some time now.
(As far as my physical actions)
Sure, I've had thoughts still, but haven't acted on them in a long time.
There have been days when I've felt bad due to body image or food-related things.
However, I was thinking today that what's the point of all this recovery effort- it's to become recovered.
I don't want to buy into the "in recovery" stuff- my goal is recovery. period. plain and simple. I don't want to think of this as a sort of in-remission. When it's done I want it to be done.
But when do you decide that you're done?
How do you know when it's done?
The thought occurred to me that I'm done.
Could it be?
I don't think I obsess any more than any 'normal' person does.
I think about my body and what I eat, yes. But I think it's at a normal level.
Yes, I chose to go a bit crazy not long ago, on my nymph journal, but that was more about embracing the thing that I once clung to. And I realized that I didn't want it anymore.
So, here I am, realizing that I'm probably already 'recovered'.
It took an entry in butterflytobe's journal, about how normal people care about these things too, to make me see it from this angle.
So, there you go.
I'm deciding here and now that I am recovered.
It's my decision to make, as far as I can see.
And I've made it.
As crazy as it may seem to some of you.
(or maybe it doesn't).
That's all. |
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